Etiquette

I was raised with a heavy emphasis on Etiquette and Manners: Don't chew with your mouth open; Send thank you notes when you receive a gift; Wait until everyone at the table has gotten their food before you begin eating; etc. etc.

Well, as a kid this translated into rules, rules, rules... and I was not exactly a rule-oriented little girl. In fact, I liked to break the rules any chance I got, just for the sake of going against the grain. In fact, my favorite phrase was, "You're not the boss of me!"

But one of my moms taught me that Etiquette was not just in place to "tell us what to do." Rather, it was just an agreed upon way of doing things so that everyone (i.e. society) knows what to expect and there is not chaos and confusion.

A good example of this is traffic laws. Could you imagine if everyone was just doing their own thing on the roads and not following the agreed upon driving etiquette? I know some of you are saying, "As a matter of fact, yes I can! There are a ton of rude drivers out there." And that is exactly the point.

If people are going through an intersection on a red light, changing lanes without signaling, or double parking... what does that cause? Chaos. Confusion. And sometimes disaster.

Well, the same is true with Etiquette. I know that Etiquette has been shifting and changing to accommodate our modern world and times, but the problem is that with everyone putting their own modern twist on Etiquette, it is losing the consistency of knowing what to expect... the very essence of why we need Etiquette in the first place.

For example, many people have started treating the acronym, R.S.V.P. as what you do if you are coming to an event. Some even make the mistake that it means, "Regrets Only." They have forgotten or disregarded that R.S.V.P. is French for "Repondez, S'il Vous Plait" which means, "Respond, Please." Respond if you are attending. Respond if you are NOT attending. RESPOND. This can have a huge impact on the host/hostess when planning an event. Especially one as large and typically formal as a wedding.

Since, as a Wedding Consultant, not following Etiquette has become one of my biggest pet peeves, I will spare you of me getting on my soapbox about the topic. But let me just say this: Following Etiquette is important. It may not be as dire as a traffic accident, I know. But please, Brides, Grooms and Guests alike, take the time to do your research and make sure you are following the proper Etiquette. It does not exist to boss you around, it is just common courtesy.

Honoring Lost Loved Ones

When you think about it, one of the most important parts of your wedding is sharing it with the people that mean the most to you. For many couples, some of the most important people in their lives are no longer with us, and not having them present, leaves an inevitable void.

Although we can not change the fact that they cannot be there with us in body, we can certainly honor that they are there with us in spirit.

Here are a few of my favorite ways of recognizing lost loved ones on your wedding day:

~ Reserve an empty chair in the front row of the ceremony, by placing a single white rose on it. You can even tie a little tag to it that says, "In memory of (your loved one's name). He/She is with us today in spirit."

~ Have your officiant take a moment of silence after reading the name of your loved one(s). It is amazing the impact that silence can have.

~ As a part of the ceremony, have your officiant read some words about the departed, and then release a single white dove. I recently did this for a bride who had just lost her father and the sound of the dove's wings in the silence of the crowd was incredibly moving.

~ Have a special memorial table. Place a framed picture of your loved one with a single candle burning in their honor. You may even choose to add a note on the table recognizing the person and how much they meant to you.

~ Make a donation in honor of the deceased in lieu of a favor. At a wedding a couple years ago, my clients had little scrolls made up to put at each place setting that told the guests that they made a donation to the American Cancer Society, in honor of the bride's mother who lost her battle with cancer.

A wedding is such a joyous occasion, and it is unfortunate that sometimes there is an underlying sadness. But the common thread between your wedding and your loss, is love. And love never fails.

Marriage License

Beautiful flowers, great food, upbeat music and your closest family and friends are critical for a meaningful wedding day. But none of them compare in importance to a perforated sheet of parchment paper: Your Marriage License.

You would be surprised to know how many couples put this task off. After all, it is no where near as fun as a cake tasting or picking the perfect linen. But I recommend to all my clients that they go ahead and get this taken care of right away. The license is good for one year from the date it is issued, so if you are less than a year away, go get that bad boy!

It is surprisingly easy to get a Marriage License here in the state of Arizona... not that I'm complaining.

Basically, you each have to have a picture I.D., a total of $72, and raise your hands and swear you're not cousins.  Done.  No waiting period.  No blood tests.  You're outta there!

The only thing that can make it logistically difficult is that you and your fiancee both have to be present, and you have to go during standard business hours (8:00 - 5:00, M-F). Since the majority of people are working during this time, it can sometimes be a challenge, hence why so many couples put it off.

But the last thing you need is the stress of waiting to the last minute to go get this significant little document. So, click here for more information and the various locations in Maricopa County that you can go to get one.

~Emily

Soapbox Moment: Vendor Selection

I was talking with a client the other day and we were discussing the vendor selection process and the factors that go into making that decision.

Of course you want to select vendors that are amazing at what they do and are within the budget you want to spend. But more than that, you should be looking at their level of service and commitment to you and your wedding day.

When you select a vendor to provide you with flowers, photography, music, food or any other product/service for your wedding day, it is important that you keep in mind that you are offering them an opportunity! An opportunity to be a part of your one and only wedding day, and they should consider it an honor to be the one selected.  And I can assure you that if they are a quality vendor, that is exactly how they will feel.

Now, before you go gettin' all narcissistic on me... let me just clarify, that you too should treat the vendor with respect and courtesy, letting them share with you how best to accomplish your goals... after all they are the experts!

But, I feel really strongly that you should be selecting vendors that have a true passion for what they do; vendors that understand your vision and are genuinely excited about executing it.

Soapbox moment over. Thanks for letting me share...

Bedside Notepad

A piece of advice I give my clients on the night before their wedding is to keep a little notepad and pen next to their bed that night. Here are some cute ones I found at http://www.expressionery.com/:

Even though we have thought through every last detail and the day is sure to be a success because of it, it is inevitable that your mind is still going to be swimming with things you don't want to forget to do the next day.

So rather than tossing and turning with those thoughts in your head, pull out the little notepad by your bed, jot down some reminders, and release them from your mind.

After all, when have you ever wanted your beauty rest more than the day before your wedding?

Sweet dreams!

~ Emily

Friday Weddings are Better!

The majority of couples I meet with have their heart set on a Saturday wedding and I totally understand this and am in full support of whatever they want.

However, I thought I would share my take on why Friday weddings are better than Saturdays. That's right. I said it. Fridays are better. I just took a major stand there and went against the grain. But I think I have some pretty good reasons to back it up:

Reason #1: Your closest family and friends, the most important people in your life, will be at your wedding no matter what time of day it is and no matter what day of the week.

The best way to think about this is to put yourself in their shoes.  For example: If your sister or best friend said she was getting married on a Tuesday at 3:00pm, would you or would you not make that happen? You may wonder what in the world she is thinking, but you would be there, right?

Of course, Friday is not as obscure as a Tuesday. But when considering a Friday, I most often get the argument that couples are worried about their guests having to take an extra day off work. Yes, maybe so.

Although if they are in town and if the wedding is in the evening. Maybe not. Maybe they will only need to take a half day off. In fact, even if they are out of town, they may likely want to take the day off on Friday anyway for traveling.

And for my final point on Reason #1: Some people work on weekends. So, they have to take a day off regardless to be at your wedding.

Reason #2: Fridays are almost always less expensive with wedding venues and vendors.

You are not alone in wanting a Saturday wedding. They are definitely the most popular day and thus in higher demand. But all the much more reason to consider a Friday so that you can save some money. Let's face it. Weddings are expensive and any area that you can cut some corners, why not run with it?

Don't get me wrong: I am not asking you to settle! Fridays are not settling! They are actually a better option for you and your guests, which leads me to...

Reason #3: Friday weddings allow your guests to have a more relaxed vacation on your wedding weekend and spend more quality time with each other.

All of my cousins live out of town. And I went to every single one of their weddings. All of their weddings were on Saturdays. Each weekend felt like a whirlwind because I got in on Friday night, went to the wedding on Saturday, and quickly turned around and left on Sunday afternoon. We didn't really get an opportunity to spend quality time with the family because there was simply no time to.

However, with a Friday wedding, your guests come in on Friday afternoon and attend the wedding. Then you can host a brunch or open house on Saturday to spend some extra time with everyone.

Quite often the guests who are at your wedding are friends and family from all over the country and it is not often you get to see them. Wouldn't it be nice to spend some time really catching up and enjoying their company rather than just saying that quick hello as you bounce from table to table at the reception?

After all, you spend all this time planning for that one single day that goes by ever so quickly. Don't you think it would be fun to have the merriment spill over into the next day and/or evening?

As I said from the beginning, I am always in complete support of whatever my clients choose. Sometimes the reasoning above just doesn't apply and if that is the case, then Saturday it is!

But the most important factor that should go into your final decision about anything regarding your wedding is: What is best for you and your fiancee? You cannot make everyone happy and you have to consider what is the best fit for you.

Sooo... did I convince ya??

~ Emily